2011年9月30日 星期五

難忘




今天到戲院觀賞《Warrior》,心情非常激動。
2個多小時的全man拳擊劇情片,
我整個臉龐溼了整一個小時。

三個拳擊手,
三人是父子,
兩人是兄弟,
愛、誤會、虧欠與衝突,
最後要送上拳擊台,
用暴力來化解。

本年度令人難忘的好戲,
我其實難忘的是我和父親的過去。

一切都不曾過去。

2011年9月24日 星期六

認識新爸爸


一直喜歡閱讀Salon.com的文章。
今晚讀到一篇關於父親的書寫,
令我想起自己的父親。

我記憶中的父親,
與真實世界中的他是兩回事。
他有自己的生命,
我有我的。

看似血脈相連,
然則又一點都不相干。

也許要在很多很多年之後再重新陳述父親,
角度才能顯得較為客觀,
仿如談起後來跟我們漸行漸遠的朋友;
曾經要好,
而今陌生。

值得慶幸太久沒親近,
對他的感情全放下,
於是無論後來談起他的什麼不過就是一些幾乎遺忘的關於他的塵封瑣事,
拍拍往事,塵埃飛揚,
父親煥然一新,好像一位剛認識的新朋友。


(作者剛出生時,父親懷抱她的照片)

BY PAT MACENULTY
Neither of my older brothers nor I have many fond memories of our father. My brothers, who are 11 and 12 years my senior, tell me that when I was 3 years old I was so terrified of him that on the rare occasions he would come home I ran out into the woods behind our house and hid. They had to come out and find me.

My brothers remember waking up to the sounds of drunken men brawling in the living room -- my father and the husband of some woman. It's no wonder why someone else's husband would be trying to beat up my father; he was a notorious womanizer. He even lost his job at a women's college in South Carolina for having an affair with his student.

Dad left when I was 3, and he rarely paid any attention to us kids. He was a musician, but he took no interest in my two brothers who both played in one of the country's best high school marching bands. One brother got a full scholarship to Eastman School of Music; the other ended up playing trombone in the prestigious Navy band. My father never attended a single one of their performances.
My father was stingy with both money and affection. I can sum up the things he gave me over the years as follows: a child-size lounge chair when I was 7, two books he no longer wanted when I was around 15, a check for $75 when I turned 17, and two ratty little stuffed lions for my daughter when she was a baby. He never saw me in any of my plays or ballet performances. We never did anything together.
As adults, my brothers and I tried to cultivate some kind of relationship with him. Whenever we would see him, he would make a vague reference to our inheritance. "When I die, whatever I have goes to you three children," he said over and over. I figured he was trying to make up for the fact he never gave us anything when we were kids.
But, even if he'd intended to atone for his treatment of us, he grew completely senile in his last years. So we were disappointed but not surprised when upon his death everything he had (which was not all that much) went to his widow. We were more surprised when she refused to allow us even the smallest token -- a book or some other memento or our father. When I was younger and knew I wanted to be a writer, I would gaze longingly over my father's extensive library during my rare visits, afraid to ask for one.
But the biggest shock of all came at his memorial service. The man who played the piano during the service wept copious tears. He was about my age, maybe a few years older. My brothers and I had no idea who he was. After the service, we mingled with the guests downstairs. Several had been friends of both our parents. There were pictures posted of my dad in his jazz combo. He looked cool with his black goatee and sideburns; he could have been one of the Beats. I felt a sense of loss that I had been so shut out of his life.
Then the man who had been playing the piano came up to us and, after explaining that my dad had been his piano teacher for many years, said, "He was such a wonderful man. He was like a father to me, and he told me I was like a son to him."
My brothers and I were speechless. I finally stammered, "I'm glad he had that experience with someone."
He told us how Dad and his wife Mary had given him several hundred books they no longer had room for. He hadn't known what to do with them so he gave them to the library.
My brothers and I turned away from the man. We were a bitter three, and now we understood how my mother must have felt that one time before I was born when she was taking my brothers to the beach and she looked over at a car next to her at the stoplight. There was my father with another woman and her children, heading to the beach.

2011年9月22日 星期四

The best comedy as yet in 2011

"Bridesmaids" is hilariouly funny and down to earth.
The ladies had a great chemistry on screen with one and another.
The best comedy so far this year perhaps?

2011年9月18日 星期日

孤獨比死亡更寂寞



去年某個時候,
教會的一個關於禱告的活動上,
來了一名婦人。
婦人頭髮掉光了,
她遂戴了一頂棉質呢帽。
我們歡迎新朋友加入時,
她身體虛弱得必要朋友攙扶才站得起來。
聽說她沒有多少錢,
漸漸地也無法去上班工作了,
我們為她禱告,
求神給她精神力量,
同時醫治她。

每當遇到重病患,
我不僅一次捫心自問,
到底是我無法根治的過敏性皮膚病比人家的絕症嚴重,
還是人家隨時會死去的絕症更讓人頓感絕望?
唯有一個答案是一樣的——我們一樣痛苦、寂寞,
以及想死。

一個病人內心的煎熬與苦痛,
實非一般正常人所能感同身受,
纖細溫柔之人頂多深懂陪伴與傾聽,
可是人家終究無法體會你的痛有多痛?你的苦有多?
好比你明白女人生小孩非常痛,
然而你不是女人便終究不會明白那是一種怎樣的痛?


病讓人感到萬分孤獨,
病人彷彿被包覆在一個千刀萬剮的油鍋內,
沒日沒夜地被病毒萬箭穿心,
而在這個煉獄之外,他眼睜睜地看着外人憐憫的眼光,
但那只是憐憫的眼光,眼光之外他們愛莫能助。
病人被隔絕起來,
外人進不去他的內心。


說回那位婦人,
已經一年了我沒再見到她,
也不便向別人打探她的消息。
至於她是否病情好轉還是已經到了天國,
我希望她在信主之後內心最好感到比較寬慰一些。

病時或生前感到無助,
身邊無論家人醫生朋友巫師沒有一個幫得上忙的,
但起碼在闔上眼睛的那一霎那,
病人死後的世界將不再孤獨,
因為信了主,天堂那裡有一道光,
有許多翱翔圍繞守護在身旁的天使,
以及永遠慈愛的天父。

這些生前一絲看不到的,最終在死後看到了希望。
(我們不害怕死亡,我們實則恐懼死後會跟生前一般寂寞。)

謊言的善與美

愛美麗的老媽以為有男人寫匿名情書給她,
她像一朵萎靡的花臨死被澆了一頭春水,
整個人活了過來。

於是她走在大街上。
雙腳迎風自然而然就踢踏了起來,
那雙被沉重歲月壓得走不動的雙腿,
一時跟上了音樂的節奏,
明快飛揚得好似一雙忽然找回歌聲的雙腿。

導演的鏡頭只拍中年婦女的這雙美腿,
我喜歡這一幕喜歡得不得了。

2011年9月17日 星期六

"You And Me" but what about Us?

Finally watched this movie . Good sad movie.

You always take the sweetest rose, and crush it till the petals fall. That's what all I can say about love that turns sour at the end.

2011年9月16日 星期五

The garden of leaflessness

太久沒有接觸導演大師阿巴斯的片子了。
看完他的近作《Certified Copy》,
隨他他的鏡頭與他漫步了一個充滿哲學性的托斯卡你午後,
處處是關於原創與拷貝的辯證,
辯證如托斯卡你風土一樣令人如沐春風。

久違的朱麗葉畢諾許演技精湛,
所謂的精湛充其量就是不必以文字贅述,
生活化得一點都沒有讓我有在看戲的感覺,
彷彿在看她說着自己的故事。

喜歡這部片子太多太多,
尤其那幾幕透過鏡子反照的辯證,
還有在洗手間的個人獨處時間,
以及,
很多很多有價值的對話。




james – not sad, its just the way it is. i which i could tell that couple not to climb the branches of the golden tree or to their promises… the only thing that would keep their love in marriage is care. care and awareness.
elle - awareness of what?
james – that things change. everything changes and promises wont’t stop that. you don’t expect a tree the promise of keep the blossom after spring is over, because blossom became fruits and… after, trees loses all those fruits.
elle – and then?
james – and then… “the garden of leaflessness”.
elle – the garden of leaflessness?
james – a persian poem – “the garden of leaflessness, who dares to say that it isn’t beautiful?


2011年9月8日 星期四

性謊言錄影帶之後得病

《性、謊言、錄影帶》原來是Steven Soderberg 的成名作,
猶記得當年這部片子全球鬧得沸沸揚揚,
“議題搞手”似乎是Steven Soderberg的正字標記,
他還喜歡膜拜大牌演員,
什麼Ocean 11啦112啦13啦的系列電影,
堪稱大牌明星校友會似的。


新作《Contagion》更誇張,
大明星校友會跨國舉辦,
紅人委身演病的病死的死只求在跨國校友會亮相給名導Steven Soderberg一個面子。

要好好寫篇影話褒揚推薦《Contagion》,
我看我辦不到,
這是一部個人認為很難拍的電影,
要我寫出電影的手法、符號、政治,
三天三夜講不玩,更怕褻瀆了大導的心意。
總之,若不介意導演冷靜處理世紀大病變的主題,
不介意大明星三三兩兩隔幾分鐘就死去,
不介意香港明星淪為路人,
不介意沒有特效或音樂,
不介意沒有撒狗血流鼻涕濫用激情,
《Contagion》絕對是本年度必看的電影。

不是好看,而是必看!
就像由不得你批評國歌好不好聽,
尊敬一個國家那國歌就是必唱的啦!